I’m sitting here with a million thoughts in my head and I can’t get everything out.

I wish you could see “ME” and not what you perceive I am.  I wish you could see my heart, feel my soul and hear my thoughts.

It’s been a tiring two-years… I’m confused, afraid, worried about what’s next.  I am not perfect – I know that, but I do feel “compared”… Yes, I have this odd gift where I am very perceptive… I feel intentions and I can feel when they are up to no good…

Yes… I am reactive and can’t help defending myself.  Does that make me crazy?  Is that a bad thing?  Who can define crazy actually?

I acknowledge I do obsess… perhaps the perfectionist in me is the obsessed.  I need to learn to just say nothing.  Do nothing.  After-all, Karma exists doesn’t it?

I never had proper guidance, so I “wing it”.  Make it up as I go.  Make mistakes too… just like everyone else.

I cling to hope.  I hope maybe you will see how the things you carelessly say, hurt me… some of it so deeply.  When you forget your manners and make demands… when you cut me off as I’m getting into a discussion…

I hope you will see that I don’t cut you off.  I listen.  I love unconditionally.  I participate where I can.  I give and I don’t mind to give because its out of love.  I don’t expect you to be me… I just expect to be acknowledged, loved, cared for… and of course, appreciated.

I wish you would respect me more.  Respect my feelings.  Respect what I have been through and and what I have done and had to do to survive.

I can only put this out there in the multiverse and hope and wish and pray that you subconsciously “hear” my cries for understanding.

I cannot change you.  That you need to do yourself.  I am not unfair.  You need to see how your attitude affects everyone around you and yes, you can change.  There is always that.  But even if you don’t… at least add some good things to your actions.

blue-lotus

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