Chapter One – “New”


From the Online Etymology Dictionary : “new” (adj.)
Old English neowe, niowe, earlier niwe “new, fresh, recent, novel, unheard-of, different from the old; untried, inexperienced,” from Proto-Germanic *newjaz (cognates: Old Saxon niuwi, Old Frisian nie, Middle Dutch nieuwe, Dutch nieuw, Old High German niuwl, German neu, Danish and Swedish ny, Gothic niujis “new”), from PIE *newo- “new” (cognates: Sanskrit navah, Persian nau, Hittite newash, Greek neos, Lithuanian naujas, Old Church Slavonic novu, Russian novyi, Latin novus, Old Irish nue, Welsh newydd “new”).

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the ideal


I’m an adventure waiting to be discovered. Invite my smile and drink my spirit, fall into my happiness as I look for ways to please, to ease to appease to be kept and not lost, not thrown out, to remain as the other part of a whole love. Alas…

Fings wot I lurnt this December… and other real thoughts


Laying in my bed at 11am… staring at the happy light filtering through my bedroom curtains.  Nowhere to go, nobody to speak to, nothing left to do but ironing… maybe I will bake…

Keep wondering… this can’t be all there is?

I need to pull myself out of this dark hole and do something!  Anything! Perhaps everything!

Fuck the assholes who used me, hurt me and tried to emotionally bully me into believing I’m less (and they didn’t take the time to know me).  I’m so much better than them.  For one; I actually am surviving and doing well as a SINGLE PARENT.  I don’t need anyone to live.  I don’t live with family or parents and never have.  I have taken care of more people than a homeless shelter; from street children to old people and abandoned animals.  I am creative and ever-hopeful and I always believe that there must be a way to make a dream come true.

I inspire others and I’m not ashamed of myself or the life I’ve lived.  I have people that may not love me romantically but they do love me and would do anything for me.  I’m actually quite a good person, with a big and kind heart which is often mistaken for “control” (learnt that recently!!)  I should have used logic but because of my often naive thought process it never occured to me that people would feel obligated because I genuinely give without expecting in return…

I don’t judge on appearance or financial status.  I love people with all their flaws.

Though at times I have been depressed and down… I am MOSTLY positive and I look for the positive in everything.  Hope is not a bad thing and yes I have been horribly hurt, but I have coped.

This new year I want to help my youngest son become more social and with that I will be too.  I want to leave the past completely behind and start brand new.

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